lady_kenshin

He was great with BBQ.

I think I have.

So I'm sitting with this guy, and he says something bad about Liberal Arts Majors.  I get really quiet, and so his friend goes, "Well, at least you're not an Arts/Humanities major."  The silence continues.  Not only this, the first guy starts to explain why he thinks being a Lit major is fail and blatantly states that he does not feel bad at all for basically calling me an idiot.  I smile and leave not too long thereafter.  Asshole.

As for the other, I am in a state where my belief system has crumbled but my morals have not decayed at the same rate, leaving me faced with the idea of an uncaring, amoral universe and still trying to reconcile that with my sense of right and wrong... so much so that I was hanging out with buddies and suddenly found myself dumping all that on them.  It sucks.  So, either I find religion or dump my sense of justice.  What a nice conundrum.  The problem is that I know I have to do one or the other soon, because it's causing me a lot of stress living with the conflict.  It makes me tired just thinking about it.

 Too bad he's dead.  

H. P. Lovecraft is my darling--it saddens me that a man whose outlook on life and people is so very close to my own had to be a dead author.  He's so like me, it's scary.  That and I find him quite handsome. Call me weird, but I do.  

I'm not racist, though.  O_o

This guy I've been hanging out with took the time today to explicitly tell me he's not interested.  Don't I just feel special?  Especially since I'd been finally opening up to wanting to date again after the guy I loved so much last year.  I had a feeling about this anyway.  This is SO good for my self-esteem, XD.  

No, I'm not sad--but I want to cry anyway.  

 "Yeah, I've always been myself, even when I was ill. 
Only now I seem myself. And that's the important thing. 
I have remembered how to seem." 
-The Madness of King George

This is me.  Exactly.  It's scary how much this is me.

An update to the lovely journal that no one ever reads... lol.

Just finished it tonight.  Great show.  I really, really enjoyed it.  The cliffhanger was incredibly thrilling (though it's obvious neither will die) and Nunnally's face as the last shot was pretty powerful.

Hm... V.V.'s voice really irritated me until I realized he was a boy.  Then it all made sense.  And the Lulu/C.C. kiss was epic.  I don't particularly like C.C., mostly because I'm never too fond of "mysterious girl" characters.  I adore "mysterious woman" characters, a la FMA's Lust, just not the girl versions.  I don't know, they usually come off as trying too hard in my opinion.  

Hm... the good/bad thing about this show is that it's impossible to hate almost any of the characters (with the exception of the Emperor) becaue they're all very human and likeable.  I've always noticed that about anime, and great anime in particular usually accomplishes this.  When a show can make me very sad over an antagonist's death, I know it's awesome.  

Hm... I get that Clovis' death was necessary, but I thought we would have benefited from some time to get to know him, although the pure shock value of it was well executed.  

Oh, and I adore Schneizel.  He's so nice.  He may turn out not to be, but hey...  I like him now and it would take something pretty mean to make me dislike him.  I think he'd make a darling Emperor.  

Dang Internet spoilers... I know more than I want to.  

Anywho, Mao was incredible, for all of the three episodes he lasted.  I especially liked him in the episode where he tried to cut C.C. up with a chainsaw.  It was cute.  I know it was psycho and disturbing... but it was still cute.  

Oh, and Cornelia is the coolest anime lady ever, I think.  I really hope she makes it.  I wanna cosplay her.  

Well, I finally caught up on FMAB.  I'm starting to like this show a little better than I did back when it was the CliffNotes version of the first half of FMA, as things should REALLY change now.  I look forward to seeing what Father does...  He's very creepy.  

I've decided not to read the FMA manga for now so that I will be surprised with the plot of FMAB (Besides the things I've already been spoiled to) because a lot of my enjoyment of FMA (My absolute favorite anime) was softened by the fact that I knew a LOT of what was going to happen before I even started watching it.  Stupid Internet spoilers...  XD

On a happier note, I've started to watch Code Geass (which I think I will enjoy watching more as I've had some, but far fewer spoilers) and I think that, over the course of the ten episodes I've watched, it's moved up to the second place in my favorite animes list.  Lelouch reminds me a bit of Light Yagami, but I never finished Death Note... and CG is almost compulsive in its watchability.  In any case, Suzaku's very existence breaks my heart because I have premonitions of real tragedy for him.  I don't know if he'll die or whatever, but he gives off that aura of "honestly too good for this evil world" so strongly that I just know he'll end up broken at least...   *sigh*

Speaking of compulsive watchability...  I started watching Axis Powers Hetalia today and I got through seven episodes!  Honestly, I would have watched more except that the next video I clicked into was broken and I thought of other important things I had to do.  They are all so cute!  I love Italy and Germany especially!  I can't wait for new characters to show up as I watch more of this.  

I'm also watching Higurashi no Naku koro Ni Rei... I can't say it's been a masterpiece the way the first two seasons (main story) were.  The first episode was funny, kind of, but it was all male-oriented fanservice and I got annoyed.  If you're going to put in fanservice, at least put something in for the girls too!  (Although I DID like seeing Irie in briefs... ^_^)  Anyway, I'm to the fourth episode, and I do hope the situation with [SPOILER] resolves itself okay... even though I did get spoiled to part of it.  I'm mostly still plodding through it for vague interest and because I told myself I wouldn't start watching Umineko until I finish ALL of Higurashi.  *sigh...*  However, I credit Higurashi in general for being the first anime I watched almost completely spoiler-free... and it was a very enjoyable experience.  

As for Umineko... I first heard of it when I was watching Higurashi, and when I asked my Higgy-freak friends about it, they told me they didn't think it was as good as Higurashi... but then I heard from Internet people that it was just as good... and the setting excites me, so I'm actually REALLY pumped for this new show!  I'm addicted to the OP for the games, even thought I've obviously never played them... *has very little comprehension of Japanese...*  In any case, I can't wait to start watching this!  It looks really cool! 

I guess you can tell I'm not too harsh of a critic... but as far as criticism goes in general, however...  I really hate when people are total smart-alecks about an anime or even a video game just because it wasn't perfect by their impossible standards.  How do those people enjoy anything?  

Hm... I guess you can also tell I tend to take a while to jump on certain bandwagons.  Ah, well.  I'm here now!  

I am tired, tired of living in a world where to live is to be cruel. So, now, I am faced with the question: is it better to be kind and be maimed or to become cruel and be safe?

Cruelty is the defense of the weak and hurting, but I have never claimed to be strong. What is it that makes those who are kind so strong? Some claim religion. Some claim love. Some claim a wish for peace. None of these have made me happy, even when I try to be kind. None of these have assuaged my feeling of something in the world that is not right and never can be.

I am aware of the answers that many would toss at me. None of them have satisfied me. I am not sure why I am haunted by this feeling, but I know that it is hopeless.

Nothing I do will make a difference. I do not say this out of some pitiful lack of self-esteem. I say this because it is true. I am only one of over 6 billion people on this lonely little planet, and for every person who works for a positive, there is someone who works for a negative. Trends will be, regardless of the individual's choices, and it is trends that decide the states of the world. An individual may only impact the whole by transcending its individuality and becoming a trend in and of itself. This is what a celebrity is. Even so, a trend made up of many is much greater than a trend made up of one, and so in the end it is always numbers that rule. The vast majority of people seem to be either unaware of this or to think that they can work it to their advantage, and sometimes they can, but the point is that they will never achieve lasting results. Someone or something will always come along that largely reverses whatever effect one had on the world. I will be forgotten not so long after I am gone, no matter what I do. It is not so long a time, a century, after all.

Even if I could make a difference, there is no distinct foe for me to face. The enemy has so many faces that it is impossible to defeat it. There is no way that I can change the world.

I am most likely very immature.